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i am bored so i blog on my phone hahaha.lately i realize that the strongest emotion i have is the feeling of envy....i envy those who have really good friends...every day i look around and i see every 1 with their good frens.there is no need for lots of friends all you need is just 1 or 2 good 1s will do....on usually on my birthday it will be a normal day parents reluctant to buy present.lol and their presents are the only 1 i got.usually i dont really mind but this year after seeing all the people around me and stuff i now question myself which part of my life did it went wrong.i remember when it was my sisters birthday she went out with her frens and got showered with presents...den i will start to get really envious...den my recently its my grandfathers birthday the whole clan went to celebrate the thing is our birthday happen the be on the same week and they celebrated his birthday in advance...but no1 even knows my birthday was on november.the celebration went on and in my heart i was really crying...am i really that hated am i really that unwanted why this happen to me?for this i hated the 1 that controls all i hate him and when i die i will go to him and ask what did i do to deserve all this solitude.
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65 days have pass since u left and i am still missing u.every night i will ask myself the same question.what did i do wrong?was i too rude?too evil?too ignorant?too cunning?too selfish?too sensertive?or am i too ugly,dumb,lazy,weird?haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz idk....
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42 days has passed since you left my life...today is halloween its brings back a very good memory when we went out last year on halloween...that can be considered 1 of the best day of my life.maybe this year you will be going there again well maybe i am already replaced by some other people.....the picture we took last year is still in my wallet when ever i am bored i will just take out my wallet and look at that picture and recall of the good times...now my life is just in a mess without u.....what did i do wrong?
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its so hard to forget you...its because i dont want to but i noe i need to.to prevent myself from getting hurt....its so hard because i see you almost everyday...and your little gifts that i keep with me even a small deformed bell from you is so precious...now you have changed...you use to be a quiet average girl that only hang out with your small circle of fren.but now you are way too pretty and not average anymore...i am sure theres lot of other guys thats chasing after you now...i proposely picked a fight cus of all these.haiz but i really cant forget you everyday without your sms is like apart of my life missing so i use your teddy bear and chocolates to replace them...i will soon get diabetese T.T wonder what happened to all my gifts hope you dun throw them away...
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ah long time never update cus idk why lazy.ok so start from this month haha.this month nothing special only suppose to watch movie with tammy and her frens.first is watch blood pledge but only orchard have so we were planning to go alr but den dun noe what happen become next week den next week come den her fren say too far dun wan go den i was damn wtf!!i feel like an idiot you noe!!alot of times cancelled alr ya noe!!!!very sad.haiz what to do forgive and forget of cus its impossible to forget.den a few weeks later.she ask me go watch what pck movie with one of her fren at first can den my mom suddenly go crazy call me in watch movie with her instead.so we plan to watch next week.but guess what happen!!in the end she say she went to watch the movie with her fren alr...its like wtf!!you make me wait for so long den in the end again it happen.and all you say is "paiseh" or "sorry".its like stabbing a person slowly and when the person dies you say paiseh hor.sometimes i think i am just being treated like some idiot.i may act like 1 its because it makes me forget abt the terrible place i am in ...haiz pillow soaked again... So putting sad things aside yesterday i went to watch boxing with my fren and her fren which i think is my fren hahaha.well it was rather fun though i dint really talk much during the match.after the match my fren went home so i went shopping with my frens fren haha.they were very fun to hang out with.i bought this a quite big bear for my fren.i buy cus i thought she would like it hahaha.when 1 finally dun feel so awkward we have to go home alr well too bad.maybe can talk in school which is unlikely to happen XD well end of compo and a little emoing hahahaha! xD
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yesterday went to wild wild wet with my cousins.when i was taking bus to bedok inter to meet them i got some awkward moments.i was standing in front of the seats for old people.den got this girl quite ok 1 hahahaha in front of me.so i listening song den i stare at her direction den i look at her den she say me looking and i say her looking den we both turn away at the same time.den awkward for some time den suddenly this lady with super weird hair board the bus den i we look at each other and laugh hahahaha.den when reaching the interchange that time my cousins alr there waiting 4 me.so we just wave to each other den my cousins and i go eat mac den after go wild wild wet.blah blah blah end here
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hmmm how to start...ok i just talk to this fren that was offered a job well not going to in into detail what job it is but...after what i heard the job was idk when but suddenly i feel very sad no no sad is not the word for it.its a very weird feeling like my heart was being compressed.but why?imagining that fren doing that job made me felt really worst but why!?although that fren dint take up that job i still have that feeling...maybe that job just oppose every thing i thought abt that fren or i am just worried that person will be taken advantage of... but of cus its just my imagination hahaha....well another sleepless nite caused by worries that i should not be worrying about....
